Misery, Love, and a Letter
by IloveJensenAckles
Summary: From Fang's POV during, and a little bit after, Total and Akila's wedding. Fang is contemplating his decision to leave the flock.


Fanfic #2

MR

Title: Misery, Love, and a Letter

Summary: From Fang's POV during, and a little bit after, Total and Akila's wedding. Fang is sulking about his decision to leave the flock. This is a totally lame summary. But PLEASE read anyway.

_Chapter 1_

Not many of you can even begin to fathom the pain that I am feeling right now, all of the confliction and pain. But I have to do it. Max would never understand my reasoning. When I saw her in that stunning cream-colored bride's maid gown it had almost melted my resolve. But then I thought of the fact that I was distracting her so much that we were endangering the whole flock with our affairs.

I walked her down the aisle, just as we had practiced. As soon as the ceremonies were over I went and leaned on a brick wall. Apparently I was letting my morbid thoughts cloud onto my face, because Max walked up from behind me and wrapped her arms around my waist. "What's wrong?" she asked quietly. "Why aren't you partying?"

I turned around to face her and wrapped my arms around her waist. She slid her hands up my chest and clasped them behind my neck. I leaned down and touched my forehead with hers. "Everything's fine. I'm just feeling tired. That's all." I replied in a whisper. "I think that I might go home in a while." Max looked into my eyes, concentrating. I was worried that she could see through my little white lie. Then a devious smile appeared on her face and I knew that she hadn't caught me. "Before you leave, why don't you come for a little dance?" Max asked innocently.

I smiled down at her and led her onto the dance floor. I wanted to spend this time with her. This might be the last time I ever see her. Once we got out there, I put one of my hands on her hip and the other gripping her hand. We started slow dancing in a small circle. I buried my face in her hair and kissed her neck lightly. "What's got you all snuggly?" Max asked. I could just hear the smile in her voice. Instead of answering, I scratched between her wings, just the way she likes it. I felt her shiver in my arms.

I lifted my head up out of her hair and looked into those gorgeous brown eyes of hers. I leaned down and kissed her full on the lips. She tensed slightly. She was unprepared for the kiss. Then she melted into my arms. I tilted my head to get a better angle when she pulled away slightly. "There are people staring. Let's continue this when we get home." She said.

I'm rather disappointed, knowing that we will not continue when we get home. The song ended and we walked off the dance floor. I went back to thinking about my decision of leaving the flock, my family_. I have to do this. If I don't, it could very easily be the end of the world. Every living being is counting on this decision. If I don't leave, Max will be focused on me all the time and not saving the world. _

"I'm gonna go home and rest up." I said.

"Okay. I'll see you then." She replied. I leaned down and kissed her lightly on the lips, knowing that it will be the last time I kiss her.

_Chapter 2_

As I took off into the night sky, I could only think of Max. Her beautiful face, whether it was angry, sad, closed off. Or soft, like when she looked at the kids or they way she looked at me. She was always willing to give her life to protect our family. It drove me insane when I couldn't do anything about it though.

He knew that he was going to hurt her with this decision. She wouldn't understand. She never will. _We might be able to see each other in 20 years or so._ I thought miserably. _That is, if she still wants to._ I sped up my flying pace and finally made it to the house. I flew in the window of my room and grabbed the bag that I had pre-packed from under my bed. I descended the stairs slowly and grabbed a piece of paper. On it I wrote:

Dear Max-

You looked so beautiful today. I'm going to remember what you looked like forever. And I hope you remember me the same way-clean, haha. I'm glad our last time together was happy.

But I'm leaving tonight, leaving the flock, and this time it's for good. I don't know if I'll ever see any of you again. The thing is, Max, that everyone is a little bit right. Added up all together, it makes one big right.

Dylan's a little but right about how my being here might put the rest of you in danger. The threat might have been just about Dr. Hans, but we don't know that for sure. Angel is a little it right about how splitting up the flock will help all of us survive. And the rest of the flock is a little bit right about how when you and I are together, we're focused on each other- we can't help it.

The thing is, Maximum, I love you. I can't help but be focused on you when we're together. If you're in the room, I want to be next to you. If you're gone, I think about you. You're the one I want to talk to. In a fight, I want you at my back. When we're together, the sun is shining. When we're apart, everything is in shades of grey.

I hope you'll forgive me someday for turning our worlds into shades of grey- at least for a while.

You're not at your best when you're focused on me. I mean, you're at your best Maxness, but not your best leaderness. I mostly need Maxness. The flock mostly needs leaderness. And Angel, if you're listening to this, it ain't you sweetie. Not yet.

At least for a couple more years, the flock needs a leader to survive, no matter how capable everyone thinks he or she is. The truth is that they do need a leader, and the truth is that you're the best leader. It's one of the things I love about you.

But the more I thought about it, the more sure I got that this is the right thing to do. Maybe not for you, or for me, but for all of us together, our flock.

Please don't try and fins me. This is the hardest thing I've ever done in my life, besides wearing that suit today, and seeing you again will only make it harder. You'd ask me to come back, and I would, because I can't say no to you. But all the same problems would still be there, and I'd end up leaving again, and then we'd have to go through this all over again.

Please only make me go through this once.

I love you. I love your smile, your snarl, your grin, your face when you're sleeping. I love your hair streaming out behind you are we fly, with the sunlight making it shine, if it doesn't have too much mud or blood in it. I love seeing your wings spread out, white and brown and tan and speckled, and the tiny, downy feathers right at the top of your shoulders. I love your eyes, whether they're cold or calculating or suspicious or laughing or warm, like when you look at me.

You're the best warrior I know, the best leader. You're the best comforting mom we've ever had. You're the biggest goofball, the worst driver, and a truly lousy cook. You've kept us safe and provided for us, in good times and bad. You're my best friend, my first and only love, and the most beautiful girl I've ever seen, with wings or without.

Tell you what sweetie: If in twenty years we haven't expired yet, and the world is still more or less in one piece, I'll meet you at the top of that cliff where we first met the hawks and learned to fly with them. You know the one. Twenty years from today, if I'm alive, I'll be there, waiting for you. You can bet on it.

Goodbye, my love.

Fang

P.S. Tell everyone I sure will miss them.

I heard the front door opening and Max calling, "Fang? We're home!" I grabbed my bag and swung out the window. I hung on the window sill and listened to Max come into the kitchen and read my letter to the flock. About half-way through it she started crying. By the end of it she was sobbing. I wanted to reach out and comfort her. But I knew that what was done was done and I couldn't go back. I dropped off the window sill and extended my wings before I hit the ground. I sped off into the night and didn't look back.

_The End!_


End file.
